no, he came in my armpit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
