Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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