The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
