You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I smell like Dick and happiness
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
