Swine flu. Run for my life!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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