I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
