I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
two words...techno handjob
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
