Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
