Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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