I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
