I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
