Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
