I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
