the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
