I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
