You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
