So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
only you would photoshop your dick
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
