i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
