You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
