So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
