i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize