my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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