no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
