Duck Duck Cougar?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
