Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
