Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Apparently you make a good broom.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
