Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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