Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
