Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
