Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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