the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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