You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
