thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
