I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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