I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
