i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
