There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
