Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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