That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
