shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
