So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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