you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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