This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
