You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
