Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
