So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
