If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
