is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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