This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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