I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
