Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
