drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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