My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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