tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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