Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
