At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
