theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
