Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
