The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
