Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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