I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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