The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize