also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
