Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
